Why Sexism is Intolerable

Image by Ayush Kalra

I would like to preface this article by saying that in honor of International Women's Month, I wanted to write about how sexism still exists in South Asian society. Most of us have heard about Sarah Edward's tragedy and the shocking statistic that 97% of women in the U.K. (according to UN Women UK) have experienced some form of sexual assault in their life. This is incredibly disheartening to hear. It's hard to comprehend that even in 2021, when the world has progressed so much, misogynistic views haven't been completely erased from society.

Firstly, a lot of (older) South Asians still have the sexist mindset that having a boy is better than a girl. In India, many pregnant women used to be treated harshly if her child was a girl, which is why India has made it illegal to find the gender of the baby before birth. Still, if a girl is born, a lot of them are abandoned by their families.

In a lot of South Asian households, misogynistic views are indirectly taught to children. Let's say a girl and boy are born in one. The girl taught how to do all the chores, is told to study all the time. She sees that her brother isn't given as much responsibility. She is already taught that she shall marry and have kids in her 20s, that she will have to respect her husband. At get-togethers, she hears aunties talking about her, judging her, but never hears a bad word about her brother. When she goes to India to visit her relatives, they tell her that her skin color is too dark, that she needs to eat more. She will get creepy stares from the men in public everywhere she goes, in India and in the U.S. But she is only 12.

Now, she's a teenager in high school and wants to express herself by wearing new clothes, trying out make up. She wants to go to dances and hang out with her friends. Her parents don't let her because "log kya kahenge?" (what will people say). She is told to study in her room, to do more work. She sees that her brother gets more privileges and doesn't have such huge expectations forced upon him. Even if she's seen in public without her parents, someone will see her and tell her mom. A few years later, she graduates from college and earns an amazing job offer. She is successful and is ready to chase her dreams. However, her relatives don't stop asking questions, regarding to career and marriage. "Are you sure this is the right career path?", "When will you get married?". Even when she does get married, she is asked about kids. Questions arise, "When will you have kids?", "It's been a year, I can't wait any longer." . Let's say she has a kid, now society watches her and judges her as a mother. However she decides to parent her kid, people will badmouth her. As she continues to grow, society's hateful eyes will continue to watch her.

Now, let's look at this if this from the brother's point of view. He is only taught that he has to study and get a good job. At parties, he hears the aunties talk well about him, at home, he doesn't have to do any housework. He continues to get good grades, so his parents speak very highly of him, as well as other people in society. He is allowed to go out, drive at 16, wear whatever he wants. His grades slip a little, so his parents become a little stricter, but he catches up quickly. His parents constantly show him off, sometimes he notices that his sister isn't treated as fairly, but he doesn't do too much about it. After college, he gets to focus on his career. People tease him about marriage, but not too much. He gets married in his late 20s and becomes a father after. He does not have to worry much about parenting, as his wife take cares of their child and he's just focused on work. Society still continues to praise him, life goes on.

Before analyzing this, I would like to say that many desi households do not function in this manner. A lot of desi families treat their sons and daughters equally, however, many don't. In this story, as you can see, the boy gets much more freedom than the girl. In the house and in social settings, he has it easier than his sister. It is 2021. Girls shouldn't be labeled as the problem nor should be forced into doing things they are uncomfortable doing. They should be treated equally and shouldn't be criticized by society all the time. If this behavior continues, it is only going to pass down to future generations. We need to put an end to the stigma that girls have to act a certain way.

Personally, I've seen a lot of hate towards girls who have made choices that go against the "rules" of desi society on TV and in real life. For example, on the show Never Have I Ever, the aunties were gossiping about a young Hindu woman who had recently gotten divorced from a Muslim man. The aunties did not talk to her and whenever they were near her, they would always whisper and tell other people not to talk to her. In real life, I've also heard aunties gossip about other woman who've married someone who's not Indian and/or have gotten divorced. The reason they do this is because the girl chose happiness over marriage, and marriage is a big concept in Desi society. The girl chose her freedom, sanity over a boy and somehow people cannot comprehend that.

Many people say that they don't let their daughters have much freedom because they want to protect them. This is understandable to an extent, however, it should be a responsibility for families to teach their sons to respect their daughters instead, not to think of them as housewives or objects. A lot of the time, I've seen boys think very low of girls, which is extremely unfortunate. If women were as respected, desi society would be a lot more accepting, which is what it should be. We should work together to make our society a positive space.